Should I Leave a Voicemail? — Agree to Disagree
Have you not seen
Es Mahina? -Ex Machina?
-Es Mahina. See, this is what
we need. Voicemail. -Ex.
-Es Machina. You’ve been reading it wrong
in your brain. Should I leave a voicemail? -Yes.
-No. If someone leaves me
a voicemail, that’s like them
leaving homework for me to do. Yeah. I have to wait for the
voicemail to load, listen to the whole thing,
and then be like, “Wait, what was it?
What did they say? What was the number
I’m supposed to call?” Send me a text,
leave the number in the text. I can just look at it briefly, it takes literally
a fourth of the time. I’m not going to argue with you
that text messaging is helpful in terms
of giving information, but that doesn’t mean that
leaving a voicemail is wrong. -It is wrong.
-It’s wrong. You are actively inconveniencing
the other person because you’re selfish and lazy. Unless it’s a voice
from someone that you love. When is that going to happen? Have you guys ever had
a good voicemail left for you? -Yeah.
-Sure, yeah. Voicemails are never positive.
It’s either someone died- I leave positive ones
all the time. -it’s my mother yelling at me, or it’s my diagnosis
of chlamydia. When have you gotten a voicemail
that was positive? Can you play one for me? -Yes.
-Would you like to hear one? I’d love to hear this. Voicemails are good.
They’re important, okay? You can get a lot of information
out in a voicemail that you couldn’t get
in a text otherwise. Roger, it’s 55 over here.
We need your help. We’re both freezing.
It is 9:40. Hopefully you get this message
and come over. I had to turn
the whole thing off last night because it just kept going lower
and lower and lower. Anyway, we’re back to my
bedroom, so please call me. Bye. Shouldn’t … we’re going to be
taken over by robots, right? I think we can all
agree, right? Yes, maybe. Don’t we want a last vestige
of humanity that is the voice … how can I tell if someone’s
a human or robot if I hear their voice? If I hear the humanity
in their voice? Mm-hmm (affirmative). Robots can sound human.
Have you not seen Es Mahina? -Ex Machina?
-Es Mahina. See, this is why
we need voicemail- -Ex.
-Es Mahina! Ex Machina. … conclude you’ve been
reading it wrong in your brain- -No, Es Mahina.
-…because you saw Ex Machina. Did you see it in Spanish? -No one calls it Es Mahina!
-Es Mahina! See that … okay.
If you had … if we get rid of voicemail, she’s going to keep thinking
it’s Es Mahina. You know what?
No, it is Es Mahina. Point is, those actors
were not robots. Those were human beings. -Human beings.
-Yeah! So they were, they were humans
pretending to be robots so you’re saying I know robots
… those are humans. Yeah but, she was a robot
in the movie. Yeah, in the movie. -In the movie!
-She’s a human being. No, but she was an actor. Every single voicemail
I get is just bad news. Like this one. Hi. This message
is for Jordan, I think? I don’t know why
you keep calling me, but I need you to stop, okay? I don’t know how you got
this number in the first place but please,
please stop calling me. Broken up with. Sounds like you
were never together. I … Just because you don’t like
the information that voicemails convey, doesn’t mean that
they shouldn’t be left. She is the love of my life
and now we’re actually together because she texted me
“I want you back,” and … -Could I see that text?
-Did she really? “You’re the best lover
of my life,” I remember it from …
let me just look. “You were the love
of my life,” and- He’s not reading
anything from anything? … you- Yeah, I’m reading
something from- … fulfill me. I’m so sorry
I left that voicemail, what an inconvenience.” Okay, so you’ve proven
our point, right? Which is voicemails
are necessary so weirdos like you can find out that
they’re being creepy, right? Mm-hmm (affirmative). She needed to leave
that voicemail to be like “I’m not joking.
Listen to my tone,” so, now you know
that you’re a psycho. But I, I think it’s that he is
a psycho and that she- No- We’re all in agreement.
He’s a psycho. -No!
-That’s- Look. I love you.
Here’s naked pictures of me. -You’re just scrolling.
-Look! What about … the argument here
is not that you are a psycho. You are a psycho. The argument is that
she left him that voicemail as punishment- Voicemails are punishments. Voicemail … it’s like
a singing telegram, you know? It’s like … what a fun treat.
I never get this! Yay! This is delightful!
I don’t know what it will be. You know, it’s like
when we take a break from the busy world, right? Let me just listen
to another human voice. Mm-hmm (affirmative). It’s a moment of respite
from our busy, busy day
and I think we need that. -Totally, totally agree.
-I don’t think so. Because if I’m not
answering a phone call, I’m in the middle of something,
I’m busy, I’m- Get to it later! Yeah, one treat for later. No, because what
if it’s an emergency? Like uh-oh!
My dad’s house burned down. Got to go. He’s dead. Who’s texting you that? The police officer! He says “Uh-oh,
you’re dad is dead?” Yeah. Uh-oh! Where-
No. Who are these professionals? You’ve got a doctor that just
says “yo, you got chlamydia,” you’ve got police off- -He didn’t say yo.
I would prefer he text me- -Oh, okay.
-… yo, you got chlamydia. I see. Police officer …
so he texts me, uh-oh, you’re dad is dead.
Died in a fire. Your house burned down.
I got the message. Where thing about the doctor,
police officer, doctor, who goes through more school,
he says to me, “Hello, it’s Dr. Katzenberg.
We have your results. You came in the other day.
Yes, you have chlamydia.” How long is this taking versus,
uh-oh, your dad is dead? This is abhorrent. What? Abhorrent. See if you had text that
I could be like, “Google, what is that?”
I don’t know what that means. Now we’re never going to
look it up. It’s terrible. It means bad. On principle. I’m … listen to my voice.
I’m explaining what it is. It’s … it just means
terrible, horrible- It’s just harder to… You have to abhor something,
to hate something … just listen. Can you text me
what you’re saying? No! Just listen …
it’s happening now. Just listen to my mouth. Just text me. No! This is me, this is …
this is dying, okay? Because of this,
this is dying! This is your last vestige
of hope to survive the robot apocalypse! Okay?
This is all you have! Look up. Look up! Listen to me!
Turn your ears on- -Sorry.
-Okay, this is it! Do you know how many things
you use your mouth for? Aren’t you, like, tired? Of using my mouth? -Yes!
-No! You want me to help you out? You don’t like all these
voicemails from your doctor? Give me your phone.
Give me your phone. Trust me.
Give me your phone. Okay, here you go. You’re tired, right,
of this doctor calling you? You know how
you fix that? Outgoing message.
All right? Here we go. Hey, mom, okay,
don’t listen to this. This is specific … whoever’s
calling, don’t listen to this. This is just
for Dr. Katzenberg. Yo dude, I know I got chlamydia
and I know it’s bad. No need to keep telling me.
Not going to get it fixed. Live my life on the edge,
ex machina. All right, I’m going to
record your outgoing voicemail. Sure. Hey! What’s going on?
I love voicemails. They’re this new technology where you can like leave
homework for someone to do. Hey! What’s up Dr. Katzenberg! Just wanted to let you
know I understand and you don’t need
to keep calling me. Hey, I have no friends,
so I’m going to need you to leave a long thing
to listen to that I can cuddle up
with at night. Hey, it’s the President
and I’ve got a form of chlamydia that cannot be treated. Thank you. That is … you need to
hit end on the record because it is still recording so all of that will be
in the outgoing message. I’m going to send you
a text message and it’s going to be
“Agree to disagree.” Hey [foreign language] ! That’s great! Sounds happy. Is it happy? -It’s happy!
-It’s happy! Okay- Hey, why haven’t you called? I’m nervous.