Fool on the Hill Speech/All Shoelaces Should Be Banned and Replaced with Velcro


All Shoelaces Should Be Banned and Replaced
with Velcro All shoelaces should be banned and replaced
with Velcro. Yes, you heard that correctly. I am sure you may be thinking, “Ridiculous! Why on Earth should we do that?” or “Why
do we need Velcro, shoelaces are fine just the way they are, right?” Wrong. I am here to prove that simply replacing shoelaces
with Velcro would reduce bullying, save time as well as money, and improve quality of life. This may seem crazy at first, but it is indeed
true. Shoelaces are a major inconvenience in our
everyday lives and the elimination of shoelaces entirely will prove extremely beneficial to
the human race as a whole.            Think about the last
time you saw a pair of shoes thrown over a telephone wire. This practice, called shoe tossing, is often
a form of bullying in which the victim’s shoes are tied by the shoelaces and tossed over
a telephone wire. The helpless victim is left not only humiliated,
upset, and scared but he is also without a pair of shoes. In today’s society, shoes can be an essential
key to confidence for our youth, so this experience has the potential to be incredibly degrading
for many individuals.  As you can concluded, this despicable practice
is made entirely possible by only one key component: shoelaces. Thus, replacing shoelaces with Velcro would
make shoe tossing impossible. An absence of shoe tossing would reduce bullying. A reduction in bullying would improve quality
of life, and an improved quality of life would make the world a happier place. For me personally, any opportunity to reduce
bullying and make the world a happier place is an opportunity worth taking. While bullying is not the only cause of shoe
tossing, eradicating this ability, regardless of intention, would reduce the hazard that
dangling shoes on telephone wires cause, while saving workers the time and effort that bringing
them down entails.            Besides the reduction
in bullying, replacing shoelaces with Velcro has the capability to save us incredible amounts
of valuable time. Let me prove it to you. The average person takes about 15 seconds
to tie their shoes. If they put them on and take them off about
three times a day, they have wasted over 21,000 minutes in a 78 year lifespan solely dealing
with shoelaces.  This number does not even include the time
it takes to learn how to tie shoes, time to retie loose shoelaces, or time to replace
fraying and inadequate laces. Considering that Velcro takes only about three
second to fasten, a simple switch from shoelaces to Velcro has decreased the time we spend
dealing with shoes by an astonishing 80 percent.  
           Not only would Velcro save us tons of time, Velcro would save us
tons of money as well. We can all agree that saving money is a good
thing. As we all know from personal experience, shoelaces
have a tendency to fray and break. And when shoelaces fray and break, we must
spend tedious time and money to replace them. Velcro completely eliminates this problem
because of its durability and reliability. A typical Velcro straps can be fastened and
unfastened over 10,000 times in its lifetime; that is an average lifespan of about ten years! Shoelaces on the other hand only last a few
hundred ties and unties before they start to show signs of wear and tear.     Perhaps the biggest advantage of Velcro
over shoelaces is for clumsy people, like myself. There is no chance that you will ever trip
over Velcro! Shoelaces, however, pose the constant threat
of becoming untied and causing an accident. Everyone knows the feeling of walking near
an escalator and fearing that your shoelace will get caught and drag you down. Once again, Velcro eliminates this hazard
and others entirely, making Velcro not only the most cost efficient, time-saving, bullying-reducing
choice but also the most hazard-reducing one as well.     By now I am sure you’re thinking,
“Well all of this sounds great, but what about the distinct noise Velcro makes?” While Velcro does tend to make a noticeable
sound, the process of pulling it apart can actually be quite therapeutic, similar to
popping bubble wrap or clicking a pen. Also due to the strength and reliability of
Velcro, the need to unfasten and refasten straps will be minimal. Furthermore, if everyone were to wear shoes
with Velcro, the sound would become common and we would soon learn to tune it out as
we do with other noises such as electronic pencil sharpeners or loud fans. Velcro has consistently proven to be practical
and advantageous, and its therapeutic qualities are no exception. The merit of Velcro is evident. A simple switch from shoelaces to Velcro includes
so many benefits that the decision is obvious. With this one easy change from shoelaces to
Velcro, you have the power to reduce bullying, improve your quality of life, save time and
money, reduce hazard potential, and even find a therapeutic release. So join me in the fight to eliminate shoelaces
and buy Velcro the next time you shop!

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