Enneagram #2 The Helper | Sandals Church

(upbeat music) – Good morning Sandals Church man, I’m so glad you guys are
here, especially those of you who are here today to be baptized, we love you and appreciate you. Listen if you’re new to Sandals Church, 20 years ago God gave me a vision, Now here’s the thing about
when God gives you a vision, just because He gives you the vision, doesn’t mean He supplies
you with the details. God gives us a vision and He
calls us to walk in obedience and He gives us the details along the way. 20 years ago God laid on
my heart that I needed to start a church whose
vision was to be real, a place where you could talk about anything and everything
and still be loved. And so I walked in obedience
and started that church but I began to ask God this question. God you’ve called me to
tell people to be real but I don’t know how to be real. I don’t know how to be real with myself, I don’t know how to be real with others, I’m struggling God to be real with you. And then I came across this
thing called the Enneagram. It’s two Greek words,
ennea the number nine and gram, think about like
telegram or Instagram, written down, those to words nine points on a piece of paper that describe people. A bunch of Catholic priests got together and they started looking at people and they looking at sins
and looking at our beauty and our brokenness and they came up with this system of understanding people. And it’s a beautiful
thing and this is why, the Enneagram doesn’t
just tell you what you are but it helps you identify
why you do what you do. The Enneagram gets at
motivation and if you have kids, you want to learn how to parent your kids, figure out how to motivate them. And so Tammy and I we got married, right anybody get married,
opposites attract amen. (laughing) So it feels like soulmates and then it becomes cellmates right? (laughing) You’re like man we are
trapped in here forever. And my wife man, she’s got some things that are very different about her that are very different
from me and we struggled. And the Enneagram has helped
us to learn to appreciate each other’s beauty and to be able to understand each other’s brokenness. And here’s my prayer for you,
this series is called You, God loves you, and God cares for you, and one of the things
He wants to teach you is not just about Him, but about yourself. So let’s begin with a word of prayer and ask God to bless us today that you would do some work on
you today, let’s pray. Heavenly Father, join us
today, God we invite you to invite us to look at ourselves. God you’ve created us, you designed us, you said in your word that
before our mothers even held us, you knew us, that you intimately wired us and designed us for a
reason and for a purpose. God I pray that we
would embrace that today and begin to understand ourselves. We pray this in Jesus name, amen. Now last week we talked
about the 1 the Reformer, the person who sees the
world the way it should be, they make the world a better
place, they constantly are improving, that’s the beauty of the 1. The negative of the 1 is
if they’re not careful they can just become critical and negative and tell everybody what’s wrong. This week we’re shifting to the 2, this one’s called the Helper. We love these people. Why? They help us, they serve,
they’re always at the PTA, they’re Girl Scouts, Boy
Scouts, church, man they serve. Man if you’re moving the 2’s
show up, nobody else does all the 2’s show up to help
you, to come along side, and help serve you, this is who they are. Thank God for the 2’s. There’s no church without the 2’s, the 2’s are serving so
you can sit in here, okay. So thank God for them and just say thank you so much for
serving at Sandals Church. They work in the parking
lot, you’re ticked off you couldn’t find a space,
the 2’s are helping you find a space, so that you can maybe get saved and go to heaven. So thank them, thank
them for what they do. So we’re gonna look at a 2 in the Bible today,
and her name is Martha. Last weekend we picked
on the boys, two sons, this week ladies it’s gonna
be dished in your direction. So just embrace, I’m not always picking on ladies, but this week it’s you. So as Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem,
they came to a certain village where a woman, who-oh, named Martha, a woman named Martha
welcomed him into her home. Thank God for Martha,
she had room for Jesus. Some of you have no room
for Jesus in your home or in your hearts, Martha has
room for Jesus in her home. So she welcomes Jesus over. Her sister, Mary, and
let me just say this, if you’re raising kids
and you’re raising boys, praise God, you know when
they don’t like each other. Right, somebody’s bleeding,
something’s broken, like someone may be going to jail, that’s what happens when you raise boys. When you raise girls,
it’s like North Korea, you never know when the nuke is coming. (laughing) But they’re ready, they’re
ready to kill us all. So when you’re raising
girls, just know this, last weekend we talked about the boys, the prodigal son and the good son. This week we got two sisters
and they hate each other. Okay, so we got Martha who
welcomes Jesus into her home. Her sister Mary, the skinny,
cute one, it doesn’t say that in the text, I’m just
reading that in there, right. Mary sat at the Lord’s feet
listening to what He taught. Now some of you that’s not a big deal. Listen to me, if you’re a woman, you want to know where you
went to school 2000 years ago? University of nowhere, that’s
where you went to school. You didn’t get that was a
joke, you didn’t go to school. (laughing) 2000 years ago, you
didn’t have legal rights. Your testimony was not
valid in a court of law, you were seen as a second class citizen and all of your identity was wrapped up in your father, your
husband, or your brother. Women were not allowed
to learn, look at Jesus. Jesus teaches women, He accepts them and allows them to sit
right next to the boys and He begins to teach them. So Mary, is taking advantage
of this opportunity. So she sat at the Lord’s feet
listening to what He taught. But Martha, there’s a big but there, remember big buts don’t lie,
write it down, but Martha, (laughing) Martha, she was distracted,
listen to me 2’s you’re wonderful, you’re
beautiful, you’re amazing, you serve us, you help
us, you’re distracted. By what Pastor? Many things, read the text, many things. Often times you get so
wrapped up in the details, you get so wrapped up in
helping, you miss opportunities. But Martha was distracted
by the big dinner, now let’s give Martha some grace. How many of you would be a little nervous if Jesus was eating at your house today? Raise your hands, okay
everyone hands not up, you’re a 3, you’re a liar, we’re gonna talk to you next week. (laughing) If you’re not nervous
that Jesus is coming over to your house, let me tell you something, your crockpot ain’t good enough for Jesus, you better get home right
now and start working. (laughing) Can you imagine, how
stressed out you would be if the Lord Jesus Christ
himself was coming over to your house to enjoy your mom’s recipe? Woo, like you’re gonna be uptight. So Martha is distracted by the
big dinner she was preparing. Why? God’s here! I’m feeding God. What are you doing today? I’m feeding God. (laughing) So she came to Jesus and said, anybody detect a little unhealthy 1 here? Lord, it doesn’t seem fair,
right, remember 1’s last week, you’re our referee’s, you make sure everybody’s doing it correctly. Right call a foul, beep, gotta
make sure everybody’s right, otherwise, the whole world unravels. She says doesn’t it seem
unfair that my sister, listen to what she says, just sits. My sister’s just sitting,
I’m over here working, I’m over here slaving, the
skinny one, she’s just sitting! (laughing) Now I’m adding in there,
there’s nothing about weight or size, I’m just saying, girls
are critical of each other. She says, she just sits there
while I do all the work. It always happens, mom
and dad started this, this has been the problem
our whole relationship, I do everything, Mary gets all the credit, I do all the work. That’s not in there I’m just
ad-libbing a little bit. It’s interesting, underline this, ’cause we’re gonna get
into the core sin of the 2. Tell her, you’re the Lord
you’re in charge of everything but I have a suggestion. Your Lordship, I know that
you’re busy running the universe and making the sun right
now warm our earth, making trees grow, however I have noticed something that maybe
could use your attention. Tell her to come here and what? Help me, everybody should be serving, everybody should be helping and that’s the way 2’s see the world. We should all be working,
we should all be volunteers, we should all be soccer
mom’s and soccer dad’s and baseball dad’s and baseball mom’s. We should all be Adventure Team, we should all be in the parking lot. No one should park, everyone should be on the parking lot team. (laughing) No one park, everyone get a vest. Tell her to come here and help me. But the Lord said to her, this
is how Jesus tells you off, my dear Martha, (laughing) You feel that? Martha, Martha, Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset
over all these details. I don’t know if He said this, but you are aware that
I can fast for 40 days. Satan knows I can turn stones to bread, I’m pretty sure I can handle the crockpot, maybe an hour late. (laughing) Dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details. There is only one thing
worth being concerned about. Listen to me 2’s, how sad would it be, if Jesus came over to your house and you missed spending time with Him? You see 2’s, you can get
so wrapped up in preparing Christmas dinner that you miss enjoying your family at Christmas. For a 2, it’s easy to serve,
it’s easy to do dishes, it’s easy to clean the
house, it’s easy to prepare, it’s hard to actually sit and spend time with people and God. My dear Martha you are worried and upset over all these details. There’s only one thing
worth being concerned about. And Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her. Mary, a woman, is
invited to sit at my feet and learn and hear everything
that I have to say. Listen to me 2’s, the most important thing that was happening at
Martha’s house that day, was not the food that she was preparing but the food Jesus was
serving, His word, His word. And 2’s can miss this, let me
say this to you if you’re a 2, praise God you’re in here if
you’re a 2 you’re in here, praise God that’s a miracle right there. Because you know what 2’s do? They don’t go to church,
but they do serve at church. 2’s will serve at the 8:00 AM
service, the 10:00 AM service, and the 11:45 service
and they will do that every single weekend, for the entire year, and never once make it
into the worship center. Listen to me 2’s, it’s easy
for you to serve at church, it’s hard for you to
actually go to church. We’re gonna talk about why. So let’s talk about the Helper. Who is the Helper? The Helper reflects
God’s heart for service. It’s good to serve, we need service, we need people who work, we
need people who volunteer, if our church doesn’t have volunteers we shut down in one weekend. One weekend. You know why churches have
to hire people to do things? ‘Cause we don’t have enough 2’s. People aren’t serving,
people aren’t helping. Listen the 2 reflects
God’s heart for service. When I first became a Christian, this is the first Bible verse I memorized. I never forgot it, it’s
the first verse I memorized when I became a Christian in college. For even the Son of man
came not to be served but to serve and give His
life as ransom for many. How can you worship a
servant and not serve? And you know why that is? Listen to me church, we abuse 2’s, we take advantage of them, we let them do everything and we do nothing. When I was a little kid I used to go to my grandma and grandpa’s
house, my grandpa was Italian. Different time, different place, but when my grandpa’s
coffee cup would get empty, he would just take his fingers on the dining room table
and he would just do this. My grandma would come over, get his cup, fill it with coffee, come back. (laughing) When it was empty, he would do this again, bedoop, bedoop, bedoop, bedoop, bedoop. So I got married. (laughing) My coffee cup was empty, (laughing) and Tammy was like, what’s
wrong with your fingers? (laughing) You got a twitch? Okay. My grandma was a 2,
right, grandma was a 2. She’d just walk around making sure, did you eat, are you hungry,
are you hungry, did you eat, did you eat, did you eat, did you eat, can I wipe your butt, wipe your nose, what do I need to wipe? You didn’t need a bath, you’d just go to grandma’s house, you were clean. (laughing) That’s how she loved, she
loved to serve, right. But let me tell you something, some of you are gonna take this test and you’re gonna go, you
know what I don’t have any 2. I don’t have any 2, I’m not
gonna help around the house. There’s a word for that
gentlemen, divorced. That’s what that word is,
you can pray about that. Listen to me, I do not
do the dishes at my house because I love doing the dishes. I do the dishes at my house
because I love my wife and I love my kids and
I want to stay married. That’s why, that’s why I do it. I don’t love taking out the trash because I enjoy the smell of rotting food. (laughing) I don’t know about your house, but we don’t take the trash out until you can not get the
bag out of the dispenser. That’s when we know it’s time. (laughing) You got that, it won’t come out, that’s when you know you gotta change it. Does anybody’s kids do this? My kids will come and
see the full trashcan and just set trash on top. (laughing) Like we’re building a snow cone. Thank you for doing that. Man, sorry, I’m airing my grievances. (laughing) What is the core motivation of the 2? You gotta understand the
2, the core motivation of the 2 is to feel loved. And they feel loved when they feel useful. So don’t tell a 2 to stop serving you, let them serve you but don’t
let them be abused by you. See if 2’s are not careful
they can become codependent because they find their identity in serving and they lose who they are. So listen to me if you’re
a 2 and you’re a mom, you’ve got to prepare yourself for one day your kids are gonna move out. And you know what happens if you’re a 2 and you’re a mom and that happens? Your life is over, you
don’t know who you are because your identity is
wrapped up in what you do. Guys, men, listen to me, if you’re a 2, there’s a day when you’re
gonna have to retire they’re gonna make you go home and stay. (laughing) Do you know what happens ladies if you’re married to a 2 and he retires? He doesn’t know who he is anymore. He’s lost his identity, because who he is is wrapped up in what he does. Listen to me 2’s, your identity can not be wrapped up in what you do, but it needs to be
wrapped up in who you are and you are a son or daughter of the king, that’s who you are. That’s who you are, you’re a child of God. So their motivation is to feel loved but the inner need, write this down, the inner need, this
is what’s driving them, this is what’s fueling them,
they need to be needed. They need to be needed. One of my kids has a lot of 2 in them, she said to me she said, dad, I just don’t feel like you need me. I said, I don’t. (laughing) Right, is anybody like, man I need some more teenagers around, right? We’re running a little short. (laughing) I said I don’t need you baby girl, I said, but I love you, I love you. I got news for you guys, did you know God doesn’t need you? God’s not up in heaven, oh
my gosh, what am I gonna do? I know, I’ll create people that hate me! (laughing) Listen to me, God doesn’t
need you but He loves you. True love is not codependent, it’s not. I told her, I said, I
love you, I love you. I care for you, I want to
be in relationship with you. But they need to be needed. What’s my role, what’s my purpose? If I’m not a wife, who am I? If I’m not a husband, who am I? If I don’t have kids, who am I? If I don’t have grandkids,
what does that say about me? If I can’t walk around constantly helping and serving people, then
I don’t know who I am. Listen to me 2’s, it’s
okay to love serving but you need to know
you’re more than that. God didn’t just create you for service, He actually created you, listen
Marthas, for relationship. And Mary has chosen the right thing. So put down the crockpot,
and come sit at the table and learn, and learn, you’re invited. Here’s how you know the
2’s in your small group. As soon as the sharing gets
deep they go to the dishes. Gonna go clean. 2’s love to serve. For a 2, the safest part of the party is preparing and cleaning. Everything in between is terrifying, ’cause there’s nothing to do. And it’s really awkward if you just go up and start wiping people. (laughing) Right, you can’t do that. That’s why 2’s really struggle when your kids don’t need you as much. I actually look forward to that point. But for 2’s it’s scary. You don’t need me? No, mom, I’m 40, I’m good. (laughing) It’s okay. So what’s their focus? Here’s how 2’s get lost, they’re so focused on the needs of others. Now thank God for the 2’s
because without the 2’s we would completely ignore
everybody, 2’s see needs. They see the needs of others. They care, they run in to help. Look when you’re moving,
you know who’s showing up? The 2’s, none of your other
friends are showing up, they’re like, oh yeah, my back. 2’s are like, hey I’m
there, what do you need? How can I help, what’s going on? When you got cancer, 2’s are there. How can I help you, how can I serve you? Right, ’cause when it gets uncomfortable for the rest of us,
the 2’s feel very safe. They’re beautiful,
wonderful, amazing people. I remember when my wife’s
dad was dying of cancer all the 2’s were all around. ‘Cause cancer in the end is
really ugly, it’s really ugly. And you have to relate to
people who can’t control their bodily functions
the way that they used to. You know 2’s don’t care, they love ya, they’re great, they
reflect the heart of God. God still loves you even when you stink. He says come here. But here’s the thing, what’s
the core sin of the 2? Let me tell you if you’re a
2, your sin is the hardest sin to identify of any of
the personality types. Like if you’re a 1, we
know when you’re angry, even if you don’t know, we know. I’m not ticked! Why does everyone think I’m angry? I don’t know, shocker to me. Here’s the hardest sin to detect, it’s the sin of pride, but listen to me, pride is what made the devil who he is, and you’re not called
to be like the devil, you’re called to be like Christ. Pride is the one sin that the Bible says God always opposes, if you are wrestling with pride, you are wrestling
with God and you will lose. You say well, but I just
want to help people, so did Martha, but here’s how
her pride got the best of her, she thought she knew better than Jesus did what Mary needed to be doing. Think about that 2’s. I know your omniscient,
all-knowing, all-powerful, almighty but I’m a 2 and I’m really concerned about what you’re letting Mary get away with. (laughing) Do you remember what she said? Lord Jesus, you need to tell Mary, right, I know there’s 10
Commandments Lord but we need five for Mary and here’s the first one. (laughing) Get off your butt! Go ahead Lord, you’re in charge. Martha, Martha, Martha, Martha. The core sin is pride. Here’s what they avoid at
all costs, their own needs. Do you know what Martha needed? The Lord, she needed the Lord. Can you imagine 2’s Jesus Christ
himself comes to your house and you don’t spend any time with Him? How sad is that? Jesus Christ comes to your
house and you don’t spend any time with Him, that’s what Martha did. Martha thought the dishes
and the plates and the food was more important than Jesus, whoa! They avoid their own needs. Here’s their fear, the
2 fears being unworthy. Look I don’t know what happened
to you when you were a kid, let me just say this, we’re all tweaked. None of our parents are
perfect, none of our parents are perfect, I’m not a perfect parent. I tell my kids, first 10
counseling sessions, on me, on me. I did some things when my kids were little like my girls have some
unhealthy sense of fear, and I contributed to that, I made my girls when they were little
watch Lord of the Rings. I’m not proud of it, my girls
sometimes, they share stories, I’m like you know girls, there
are inside family stories and there are outside family stories. I did this to my girls,
I thought it was funny, I don’t know what was wrong
with me, I am tweaked. I would literally go into their bedroom, flip off the lights, and
say this, my precious, (laughing) my precious, ’cause that’s normal, that’s what a healthy, loving father does. (laughing) Like and then they tell that
story, I’m like can we not tell that story I’m fairly
certain that’s abuse right. This is abuse. Like at the time it seemed so funny and now I’m like oh my gosh! What is wrong with me? What’s the underlying emotion of the 2? Okay, so let me just say this,
we’ll talk more about this as I kind of baptize you slowly into this but there are nine personality types, but there’s really three
underlying emotions. So the 1’s last week,
you’re led by your gut. Remember I said, you were born with an internal compass or rudder,
you know right from wrong, you don’t even know
why, you just know why. You just know, you know what’s
right, you know what’s wrong. It’s just inside you. The 2’s, the 3’s, and the
4’s we’re led by our hearts. It doesn’t mean that we’re superior, it just means we’re more emotional. So know this if you married a
2, 3, or 4, you’re in for it. You’re in for it. Okay my wife’s a 6, never cries, I tell her all the time,
you need to leak more, I tell her all the time,
I cry all the time. ‘Cause I’m sensitive. My kids, when we watch
sad movies, they don’t watch the movie, they watch dad’s face. He’s crying, oh. (laughing) The underlying emotion is shame. I don’t know what happened
to you when you were a kid but something happened inside you where you felt like the
only time you’re good is when you covered
your shame with helping. Let me say this to you if you’re a 2, you can’t outwork your
shame, only Jesus can. Here’s one of the tragedies
of modern pop psychology in our culture, for the
last 40 years in America, we’ve been teaching kids
they should never be ashamed. I don’t know if you know this, but sometimes you should feel shame. Sometimes, wait for it, this
is deep, you should feel bad. You should, sometimes. So what the modern world has
said, you should never feel bad and so we’ve pretended shame isn’t real and look what’s happening
to our young people. As a church we need to
readily accept shame, because it’s what sin brings,
we need to accept our shame and we need to understand this 2’s, you can’t outwork your
shame, only Jesus can, you have to take your shame to the cross. You have to take your shame to the cross, if you’re a 2 you’ll want
to clean it, there’s blood all over it, and I gotta
to make sure it’s nice. Yeah, why’s that blood there? To cover your shame. And here’s what the 2’s are ashamed of they’re ashamed of having needs. If I was really who I was supposed to be, I wouldn’t need anything. If God didn’t think you needed anything, He wouldn’t have created others. The apostle Paul says
this, listen to me 2’s, and my God, Paul says, will
supply all of your needs, 2’s, according to His riches in
glory that is in Christ Jesus. God wants you to have needs,
it’s okay to have needs, it’s okay to need people,
it’s okay to need help. God didn’t call you to be Superman, that’s why He made Jesus. And by the way, even Jesus
said things like this, I thirst, I need you to pray for me, I’m hungry, I need rest. Even Jesus had needs,
it’s okay, it’s okay. So how a 2 needs to be real. Here’s where I want you to
start 2’s, with yourself. It’s easy to look at Martha
and see where she’s whacked, it’s hard to look at yourself. Let me just affirm this in 2’s, it’s good to serve God and family. Man if you have a 2 in your
family, you’re blessed. They serve you, they take care of you, your world operates
wonderfully because of them, and you need to praise God for that. Never tell a 2 to stop serving. What we want to change
is not their serving, we want to change why they serve. We don’t want them to
serve to try to cover up for something that’s missing,
we want them to serve just because they enjoy
it and it glorifies God, and it celebrates God’s heart
for service, and that’s good. Because listen to me 2’s, if
you serve with the right heart, pride will not bring you down. But when you serve with the wrong heart, what you do is you look around
at the rest of us lazy bums and you start judging all of us, and that’s what you do
when you come to church. Well look at all these
people aren’t serving. (laughing) And you go find a 1 and you
gossip about the rest of us. (laughing) The 1’s like yep, they
should, they should, they should, they should, they should. (laughing) Or if you’re high 1/2 you just sit by yourself and talk to yourself. Romans 12:11, never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Look, if you scored like zero on the 2, that doesn’t mean you get
a pass, you gotta serve, you gotta serve, you’ve got
to, we need you to serve, you’re commanded to serve, you
don’t have to pray about it. What if your kids and your family treated literally you the way you treat God? God’s like, I want you
to serve the church, I want to pray about that. Ask your kids, we need you
to help out and do chores, well I’m gonna get together
with the kids at school, and we’re gonna pray about whether or not I need to participate in
the chores of the family. (laughing) How many parents are gonna
lay hands on the children? Right, amen, we’re gonna have
a little prayer service today. You may not make it. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Listen to me, it’s a
privilege to serve God. It’s a privilege. I’m amazed that he invites
us to participate at all, look at how we screw everything up. So it’s good to serve God and my family. You’re gonna hate this 2’s, but I must also spend time with God. Let me tell you what spending
time with God is not 2’s. That’s not reorganizing your Bibles. It’s not dusting off your Bibles, oh my Bible’s the cleanest
book in the house. Did you read it? Well no, but it’s clean. Right the 2 will go to read the Bible but see all the laundry that needs to be picked up on the way to the Bible and before you know it,
it’s four hours later. What happened? No time with God, that’s what happened. You can so busy yourself and do you know why
you don’t want to stop? Do you know why you
don’t want to be alone? Because it’s you and your shame. You and your feelings, which is a great time to hang out with God. Your like God, I feel like crap. He’s like I know, I’ve been
waiting for you to come. God wants you to be honest. Right, when my kids were little, they’d always lie about when
they pooped their pants. Did you poop? No. No, I don’t know what that smell is. (laughing) Anybody’s kids lie about
pooping their pants? You going poo? No. (laughing) You’re a 2 you’re like Lord I feel crappy, He’s like I know, we smell it up here. Come here, come here. I must also spend time
with God and my family. Listen to me dads, if you’re a 2, that’s great you do all
your own yard work, yay you. Yay, but maybe what your
kids need on Saturday, is not a mowed lawn, maybe they need you. See 2’s will busy themselves
with all kinds of things that get in the way of relationship. 2’s, God didn’t just
design you for service, He designed you for relationship. And I know it’s scary, I know. But it’s scary for all of us. Write this down 2’s, I gotta
watch how my pride affects the way I see myself and others. Let me just be clear about pride, you’re not going to deal about
it today and never again. You’re going to deal with it every day for the rest of your life. Let me tell you when you’re
going to defeat pride, when you die, when you die
and you stand before Jesus, and He gives you your glorified body, that’s when pride is dead in you. Until that moment, it is
with you every single day and here’s the thing, you need to be aware of that nasty monster
because he will devour you. Obadiah 1:3, you have
been deceived by what? Your own pride. Are we deceived by other
people’s arrogance? We can read everybody else’s arrogance, we can see everybody else’s pride, man I don’t like that person, he is so prideful, he is so arrogant. We can not see our own pride. We can’t. And it creeps in in weird ways. Jesus didn’t just come to save you from the wrong things you do in your life, He came to save you from the right things you do in your life for the wrong reasons. That’s what the Bible means when it says, even on our best day, are
filthy rags before the Lord. People can do the right
things, with horrible motives. Right? Check your motives. Why am I doing what I’m doing? Next, you gotta learn
to be real with others. Now you’re gonna hate me for these. Write them down, please
come back next week. Listen to me 1’s you have to declare. What does that mean? Say out loud declare. Declare, I have needs and that’s okay. Listen to me 2’s, if you
become really unhealthy you’ll become codependent and
you won’t even exist anymore you will simply exist
to serve someone else and that is, let me tell
you what codependents do. They worship someone other than God. Ladies if you become codependent you are worshiping your husband and
not God and that’s a sin. If you worship your children and not God you are codependent and that’s a sin. You have to declare that you have needs. You do not exist to serve your children, to serve your husband, you exist for the glory of God and for Him. You were made for Him and you must declare that I have needs. I can’t do it all! You can’t, and when you try you make it miserable to be around you so stop! (laughing) Stop, take a break, relax. The laundry will always
be there, I have spoken. (laughing) It will be there, call me a prophet, there will be laundry
tomorrow, the house will be dirty tomorrow, it will
happen, dust will come again. (laughing) Sometimes you need to take
a break and here’s the thing as a 2 you feel guilty, ooh that’s shame. Take it to the cross. Listen to me 2’s, why is
it that you feel guilty about obeying the commandment, six days you shall work, one day you don’t? Thus sayeth the Lord Martha. (laughing) I have to declare that I have needs. I can’t do it all, I can’t do it all. Last night we were at
dinner with some friends from our church and one of the pastors, he’s a young pastor, he’s still learning. Seeing his wife, she’s
got a baby on one arm, a plate on another arm and a four year old on this leg and she’s
trying to make tacos. I look at him, I say hey buddy, we got a problem over here on aisle two. (laughing) He’s like oh yeah I didn’t see that. I said I know, get over here and help. He works for me, so he had to do it. (laughing) But you know what she is? She’s a 2, I can do
everything, I can have a baby on this arm, I can have a
taco plate in this hand, I can have a four year old wrestling my leg and this arm and I can do it. No you can’t, no you can’t. It’s okay moms to say, can
you hold my kid so I can eat? So I can eat. I remember I came home
from work one time moms, my kids are standing at
the bathroom door banging, mom, my wife’s just in
there, she locked herself in prison so she could have a moment. Man we need to pray for our
moms, you can’t even pee alone. Leave her alone, I told my kids, you are not allowed to speak
to your mother, go away. (laughing) Okay 2’s, learn to ask for help. I need help. It’s okay. It hurts, huh. No it would just be so much
easier if I helped you. And this is hard, listen to me 2’s, you have to learn to
confess your sin of pride because people won’t see it
because they’re gonna think you’re better than everybody else. Oh you’re always serving,
you’re always a part, you’re always at church, you’re always at the kids school, you’re
always at the plays. Yeah, and you’re judging everybody else and you’re self-righteous and prideful. And that sin that’s in you is what made the devil who he is, don’t be the devil. Learn to confess it, learn to say this, man my pride got the best of me this week. And thank God your core sin is pride, ’cause one of these is gonna be lust and that’s always creepy in small group. Yeah my lust is really
out of control this week. (laughing) Everybody’s like. Next, be real with God. Who I am comes from God’s
love, not from what I do. Listen to me, God does not
love me because I’m a pastor, He loves me because I’m His son. And you are His son and
you are His daughter, if you are in Christ Jesus. You’re a son of the king,
you’re a daughter of the king. Next, God will help if I what? Ask, Psalms 86:5, O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive, so
full of unfailing love for all who ask, listen to me, God’s not gonna answer
the prayer you don’t pray. I’m gonna say it again, I don’t think you guys over here got that. God is not going to answer
the prayer you don’t pray. We worship a God who
answers asked prayers. So I’m gonna add a little thing this week, I didn’t do it last week for the 1’s, if you’re 1, I’m sorry, I’m not perfect. But this actually came
from someone in our church on the debrief, who said
this, I’m married to a 1, I don’t know how to love her. Been married 30 years,
this is why the Enneagram and real with self is so important because you can be married to a person and desperately love a
person and not know how. So I want to talk on
the debrief this week, more deeply about how to love the 1. But today we’re gonna start with the 2. But thank you for your questions, your questions make our church better. So how do you love a 2? Number one, notice them and
thank them for their service. When you pick up your kids,
would you thank the teachers you know what you dropped off? (laughing) Some of you didn’t even
come for God today, you came for a break. Man if I was atheist I would
go to church every week, free childcare, take them. Wait a minute, these
people have to love my kid? Go. It’s a commandment. Number two, this is gonna kill them, they’re gonna hate you
for this, but do it. Become an Enneagram ninja. Have them name one thing
you can do for them and watch them squirm. Can I do a dish? Can I wash a cup? Can I take out a piece of trash? (laughing) They’re not gonna want you to do it. Do you know why? They’re not real with themselves, they believe they can do
it all, and that’s a lie. Next, invite them over,
here’s what’s important, when you don’t need something done. Listen to me, we use 2’s, we do. And that’s not right. So whenever we need
something done in our house, when my wife needs a man
project, we have to call a man. (laughing) I was just telling my wife
this, so whenever she says, I need a honey do, I have
to call Tim, he’s the honey. My wife needs a honey done, so
I need you Tim to come over, it involves screws, hammers, man work, I need you to come over, here’s the thing is Tim will always come over. And one of the things I
had to tell Tim, I said Tim, you’re my buddy, I
love you, I care for you, I said you can come over
any time, for no reason. You can come to my house, for
anything and we can just sit and have a beer and be men,
which is not actually true because I’m allergic to gluten,
because God is hilarious. So Tim, you can have a
beer and I will watch you drink a beer and I will have a La Croix. (laughing) And we will have a very manly conversation about things that I don’t understand. I freaked him out man, he’s
like, we’re just gonna sit? Yeah, well you’ll drink beer, I’ll sit, watch you drink beer. But I said, you don’t need to do a thing. Because Tim needs to know that he matters, not what he does, he matters. Do you know, he does? And so do you 2’s, so do you. Okay, you really want to
mess with a 2, do this. Oh this is so good. Ask them to stop and
tell you how their time with God and their family is going. (laughing) Just say it and watch them squirm. Tell me about your time
with God this week. Tell me about your time with your kids. Tell me about your time with your husband. (laughing) Again, why is the 2 afraid
of sitting with people? Because of shame, I’m not good enough. And so they cover I’m not good
enough, with let me help you, let me help, let me help, let me help, let me help, let me help,
that’s not being real. And if you want to begin to be real, you’ve got to start to share. Listen to me 2’s, you should share this, man my shame is really
out of control this week. It’s really affecting me. It’s tiring to be a 2. Listen to me, Christianity
is not a do religion, it’s spelled done D, O,
N, Jesus already did it, He already did it, rest in the
grace of Jesus, rest, rest. Let’s pray together
church, heavenly Father, we just love you so much,
we love your grace so much. And God we love the 2’s, we
love the Helpers in our church, there’s no church without them man, most of our families would unravel and fall apart without the 2’s. God we’re grateful for
people who want to help out and be a part, but God help them to know that it’s not just their
service that we love, but it’s actually them that we love and you love them and you care about them. God that they matter more
to you than their service. God that what you want ultimately is you want the Marthas in this church to sit down with Mary and hear your word. God because the truth is, Martha matters just as much to you as Mary. Lord help us to be more like Mary and to sit in your presence. And God help us to bring you our shame. We pray this in Jesus name, amen. Love you Sandals, God bless.


  • Yes yes yes ! This series is going to help so many people, we are blessed to be in your presence!!!

  • Great stuff but having an identity crisis and being what you do is a 3 thing not a 2 thing.

  • This man certainly has a great God's knowledge. Bless you pastor Matt!

  • Whooa Kevin Bacon is preaching now..

  • How to deal with a #2 that complains a lot that she's the only one that does things?

  • This appplies more to 2w1 and the self preservation 2

  • The history of the Enneagram is not simply a bunch of Catholic priests getting together and figuring this out. Its origins are much broader than a Christian-centric view of the world. But perhaps Pastor Matt covers that in another talk….

  • This is the first video I've watched of yours and I'm going to binge watch the rest when I have time. Thank you so much! My husband is a helper and I just googled it to see how i can relate to him and found this. I really enjoy your perspective !

  • I would have to say that what he is describing is a 1w2… my mom is a one, and she REALLY related to this (and she is definitely not a two). I am a two, and found some of his examples relatable… but not a lot and I found especially the motivations to be 1 like. We are more motivated to help people for relationship and love, not to just get things done. I appreciate his knowledge of the enneagram in general and look forward to the other sermons.

  • Cried the whole sermon ?

  • This was great

  • My prayer is that we turn back to a reverence for God as opposed to comedy sermons that preach to the ego. As an observer who happened to stumble upon this video, I also would just like to bring recognition to how many times Gods Holy word was "ad-libbed" in the first 10 mins. I understand trying to make scripture relatable but relatable to what? People how they already are? Gods word is meant to be transformational and that won't take place when its watered down and filled with a bunch of ad-libs to make me laugh. I'm sorry but it just won't.

  • reminds me a bit of dane cook. just the mode of speech, energy, and comedy. but yes, it is interesting to see the enneagram make its way to religious circles.

  • A Big IHOPKC verse coming

  • think he needs to re-study the personality types. and he doesnt understand what shame really is.

  • Interesting…i love the enneagram, but it’s origins are from Sufi mysticism, not christianity

  • ????????

  • ❤️❤️?❤️??

  • Ouch

  • ?❤️?

  • ????

  • Amen

  • Ya know, you lost me when you started going on about sisters and raising girls vs. boys and all that. Martha is definitely a 1w2, and not the other way around. I'm a 2w1 and yes I long for perfection and fairness, but not because I want perfection first and foremost, but because I want everyone to be perfectly happy. I want my husband to just be situated, I want everything to be okay in my family, I want the world to be at peace, because I am so empathetic and am constantly tormented by the pain of others. Honestly, it felt like with your embellishments on the story, like you were perpetuating a hurtful stereotype about women. I know you were trying to be funny or whatever, but this is the kind of poison that turns people away from the church, and the type of thing that has makes me not want to be in church right now. I don't normally comment on videos, but I hope this can give you a perspective you maybe otherwise wouldn't have. Martha was bitter, and she wanted fairness. I would even say she could be an 8, someone who feels like they need to take the reigns all the time, and who always has to do everything or no one will, and is indignant at the perceived laziness of others. And the whole skinny vs. fat/ugly sister, it's just tired. It's not helpful, and not kind. What's the point in including that? I get what you're trying to do, and I hope it helps some people, but I feel like you need to choose your words more carefully, and be careful with how you approach subjects like this that are so pointed at a person's identity and helping them understand themselves, because your portrayal of Martha seemed just kind of mean and like you don't understand at all. It seemed unloving, and I think it can be very dangerous because it is so specific and personal with this series you're doing.

  • Him talking about a vision without the details reminds me of Uncle Iroh in Avatar- how he thought that he was supposed to conquer Ba Sing Se, but turns out, he was supposed to LIBERATE it… Anyway, back to the sermon

  • Ouch

  • Wow this hit me so hard! I’m a two with no wings, thanks for explaining it biblically

  • THIS SERIES IS AMAZING! Thank you for sharing!!!!

  • When I asked why God created humans (and angels), the answer I always got was "because He wants to be loved". If God doesn't need to be loved (or worshipped), why did He create the Universe?

  • #motive ?

  • Self- righteous

  • Easy to serve hard to sit in service. I've talked about this so much????

  • Wow ???grandma

  • Your identity is not what you do, but who you are??
    GOD doesn't need us. True love is not codependent??

  • Man, he hit it dead on. For the longest time, I felt used (still do). And felt like no one cared about me. All they wanted was to get me to do things for them and then they would leave me. I'm the "nice guy" except for everyone, not just girls. And even though i've tried to stop helping because of resentment (did for a while), I always default to helping. I love helping. I hate seeing people struggle and if there's a way I can help, I always do. I never seek anything in return, but deep down, it hurts that others don't think the same way. People can see me struggle… watch me fall trying to do everything myself… and they'll just stand aside and watch or turn a cold shoulder.
    That's the curse of being a 2. So far, i've finished last in everything. Girls use me, people use me, friends use me, until i finally decided to just care for myself…Since then, i've paid more attention to myself. I've stopped helping as much and it feels good… but… now i'm all alone. No one reaches out to me. No one invites me out. I'm all alone. And i'm learning to be okay with it. I help strangers. I help my family. But it's pretty much a lonely world.
    I just wish people liked me for me. And not for what I can do for them. :/
    I wish someone told me, let ME help YOU. for once… That'd be nice.

  • this actually came for alot of different things. the Jesuits didnt get a hold of this until way later on. Enneagram is an eastern system. I just read that in an Enneagram book called "Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self Discovery"

  • The enneagram has occultist roots; if the mission of YOUR church is to get real, then GET REAL: the church belongs to Jesus, not YOUR vision! Enneagrams are on par with ouji boards.

  • WhatsApp 87119013 those who need help

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