Adoption Flip-Flop: Featuring Sebastian – Video


SEBASTIAN Next. OWEN Hi. Good morning! Thanks so much for
meeting me. SEBASTIAN Fine. Have a seat. So, you want
to adopt a child? OWEN Yes sir, the wife and I want to share
our home with a little one. SEBASTIAN And where is your wife? OWEN Oh, she works. I don’t write now. I’m
in training to be a stay-at- home dad. Ha. SEBASTIAN So tell, Mr. Egerton, why do you
want to be a father? OWEN Well, I love kids. SEBASTIAN So, you’re a pervert? OWEN What? No. I love children in a nice way. SEBASTIAN Well, you might call it nice.. OWEN A clothed way. SEBASTIAN Sexy, leather clothes? OWEN No. Very moral. SEBASTIAN Fine. Let’s move on. OWEN Thank you. SEBASTIAN So, a little scenario. You hire
a a twenty-year old baby sitter. At the end of the night, you walk her to her car, writing
out a check. She’s says she’d rather you pay
her with sexual favors. OWEN Okay… SEBASTIAN Do you wear a condom? OWEN No. SEBASTIAN No. He starts to write something
down. OWEN I mean, I would pay her. SEBASTIAN For sex? OWEN No. I mean, I wouldn’t have any sex,
no sex! SEBASTIAN She’s smoking hot. OWEN No. SEBASTIAN No sex with the baby sitter. OWEN What’d you write? SEBASTIAN It’s for office use only. Do you
ever use the phrase “it’s all good.”? OWEN Yes… sometimes. SEBASTIAN Have you ever done an impersonation
of the lizard in the Geico ads? SEBASTIAN Do you use wireless headpiece in
public places? OWEN Is Starbucks public? SEBASTIAN Did you see either Deuce Bigalow
one or two in the theater. OWEN Both, actually. SEBASTIAN Do you force your co-workers to
see your “new awesome ap!” OWEN I don’t really work- SEBASTIAN Do you have any children of your
own? OWEN No. It seems I might not be able to fertilize
a woman. SEBASTIAN Thank God. OWEN So, can we discuss my new child now? SEBASTIAN Hold on what is that? OWEN Flip flops? SEBASTIAN Your toenails look like it could
cut provolone cheese! What’s wrong with you? What the hell are you doing with your
feet? OWEN Its just natural and comfortable. Let’s
my feet breath. SEBASTIAN That’s it. No way are you getting
a kid. Your going to raise a kid in this society? Wearing those flip-flops? Your kids going
to look up to you then he’s going to look down to you and look those nails. You’re
an asshole. OWEN I’m an asshole? SEBASTIAN You’re small, shriveled, red,
and everything coming out of you right now is shit. Get out. OWEN But my application… SEBASTIAN Get out.

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